The other day, while watching the series finale of Star Trek: The Next Generation, I found myself pondering the
myth science of time travel.
I wondered what might happen to the space-time continuum if, through a temporal anomaly, present-day Fleck (PDF) could visit pre-runner Fleck (PRF) and have a chat about PRF’s future. In my mind, it went a little something like this:
PRF : Why are your legs so fat?
PDF: It’s not fat. It’s muscle. Here, poke my thigh.
PRF: Good grief, woman. What happened to your thigh gap?
PDF: Gone. I lost it around the time I lost my last toenail.
PRF: But, what about my new open-toed Loubou –
PDF: I don’t wear open-toed shoes anymore. And I wear nothing that starts with “L-O-U”, only “L-U”. Don’t worry about the toenails, though – they grow back. Well, my right baby toenail probably won’t. I’ll put it this way – in about 2 years, you’re going to start investing heavily in the black nail polish market.
PRF: Why don’t you have any hair?
PDF: I can’t tell you that. It would create a temporal rift in the space-time continuum.
PRF: So what’s this “running” thing all about, anyway?
PDF: Well, most days, I wake up around 5:30am and –
PRF: 5:30?!?!?! Woman, are you MAD?!
PDF: It’s my favorite time of the day! Runners call it “runrise”. See, you start your run while the stars are out, and end it when the sun’s up. The world is calm, and you see all kinds of animals and birds. Sometimes, I do what I call “Count the Buns Runs”. I see all kinds of bunnies on my runs, so I set a number in my head and keep running until I’ve seen that many bunnies.
PRF: But, I’ve already got a bunny. Why would I want to sweat to see bunnies?
PDF: Well, actually, sweat is really good for your skin. I save a ton on cosmetics.
PRF: Speaking of, what’s wrong with your face?
PDF: Oh, that, yeah. I don’t wear makeup now. There’s really no point. Even the waterproof stuff doesn’t survive my sweat waterfalls. But, it’s not all that bad, actually. I’m told I look much younger without it. Some call me “Basic” but, hey, I’m the one who’s asked for ID when I go to the pub.
PRF: Seriously though, what about your hair?!?! You must wash it, like, twice a day.
PDF: As I was saying. My favorite runs are the really long ones on days when I don’t have any plans. Last week, I ran a 15 miler on my day off, and it was glorious.
PRF: Umm, what about, oh… you know, maybe… RELAXING ON YOUR DAY OFF?!
PDF: Running IS relaxing. It clears my mind, it reminds me that I’m alive, and it makes me feel… free.
PRF: So, you’re telling me that in the future I become a Basic bald chick with no toenails, who has thick legs, who wakes up at 5:30am on her days off to run 15 miles, who doesn’t wear makeup, but feels ‘free’? You know what, Future Fleck? I’ll never be a runner. In fact, I’m going for a pedicure, and then I’m going sandal shopping.
PDF: Hey, have you started that sugar-free diet yet?
PRF: Ugh. It’s awful. I’m miserable and have no energy. But, look! No muffin top!
PDF: Yeah, umm. You know what else I love about running?
PDF: Yesterday, I had ice cream and wine for dinner. I feel fantastic, and, look! No(t much) muffin top!
PRF: I’ll go get my Tommy Hilfiger runners.
Psst! You can receive automatic updates whenever there’s a new post on See Fleck Run! To follow me, in the bottom right corner of my page, click Follow.