There comes a point in every runner’s life when they look in the mirror and realize “oh dear, what have I done to my body?”
For some, it’s the upcoming spring and ensuing panic of showing the world their feet. For others, it’s the pain of runner’s knee. For still others, it’s the sadness that comes with knowing they’ll be forevermore taping the leg they injured in that race.
But, believe it or not, none of those things gave me my “oh dear, what I have I done to my body?” moment.
Not too long ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that, while my lower half was a brick house, my upper half was a bouncy castle.
I decided some weight training was in order.
I was too embarrassed to start my weight training at the gym, so I ran to the computer and found an “at home upper-body training program”.
Fabulous.
I ran downstairs and dusted off my Pilates mat.
Excellent.
I pulled out my (partially deflated) balance ball and foam roller from the closet, and knelt down to find my hand weights.
No hand weights.
I needed 5 pound hand weights in order to complete the set in the workout. At a loss, I turned and looked around. Dean and Maggie were sleeping in the afternoon sun by the patio door.
The bunnies looked over at me and, sensing what I was thinking, promptly scooted under the couch.
Bunnies clearly out of scope, I was getting desperate.
It was then that I looked over at our dining room hutch.
Jackpot.
Two identical bottles of wine, both unopened, stared back at me.
The workout was only 30 minutes, but after 20 minutes and three sets, I was in serious trouble.
By this time, I was panting, my arms were shaking, and I’d lost all sense of shame. I just wanted to finish the stupid workout, and never do it again.
I started into my fourth set of wino-reps, with my back to the patio door. But just was I was finishing up with some tricep curls, I remembered the blinds were still up.
Panicked, I turned to face the door.
Thankfully, our backyard neighbors weren’t home (phew!).
Instead, there was a squirrel on our patio, standing on its hind legs, staring at me.
I looked back at him, his judgmental gaze piercing my flabby soul.
Utterly defeated (and deflated), I put the wine bottles back on the hutch, rolled up the mat, and ran away to hide in the basement.
Later that night, I looked at myself in the mirror again. My upper half was still as soft as it had been that afternoon.
Hmph.
But, then I started to think about the squirrel.
And then I started to think about my bunnies.
And then I started to think of hares, and kangaroos, and bears, and cheetahs, and….
LIONS.
They’re all rear-wheel drive.
I blinked, absorbing my epiphany.
Being rear-wheel drive is just fine with me.
Besides, who doesn’t love bouncy castles?
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Absolutely fantastic! Haha RWD…too funny. Well written, please keep them coming!
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Thank you, Jimmy!
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Wino-reps…I will be laughing off of that one for days! Funny you were eyeing the rabbits as weight possibilities. It reminds me of one part in P90X where he says, “No weights? Use your cat, a soup can, your nephew…” I could only imagine the damage my cat would inflict… So hey, why not wine bottles? Whatever gets the job done! 🙂
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Lol – I’m not brave enough to try P90X, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who improvises. The rabbits were in no-way-shape-or-form going to let me lift them… My face would have ended up in shreds had I tried!
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Thank you for finishing this before I leave on my trip. 🙂 Rear wheel drive. Love it.
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You’re welcome. This post is dedicated to you. 😛
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Nothing wrong with lifting wine bottles. Nothing wrong with being a rear wheel drive either. You’re too adorable.
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Thank you for the encouragement! I agree – best to stick to one’s strengths. 🙂
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I was waiting for you to say hell with the workout and just open the wine! Love the RWD! But what about 4 wheel drive. You could be a Jeep 🙂
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LOL – you know what, at one point I considered it, if for nothing other than making the bottles lighter. Maybe someday I’ll get to 4WD status, but for now, I’m more of a Mustang than a Jeep. 🙂
Thank you for the follow! 🙂
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Rear wheel drive, he he! Love it! My cats faces when I first started practicing handstands against the wall were much like your rabbits. Mum’s lost it.
There’s nothing wrong with wine bottles. I’ve used a 6 pack of 1.5l water bottles and a bag filled with cat litter as weights. Though if I lived down the road from you, those arms would be popping and you’d be a jeep!
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It’s too bad you’re not around to whip me in to shape! I am so flaky when it comes to strength training. 🙂
Maybe some day I’ll get to be a Jeep, but not anytime soon!
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I always run and hide in another room whenever one of my People starts to do their physical jerks, so I can sympathize with the bunnies here. 🙂
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Oh, the looks they were giving me were priceless. I am convinced they were making fun of me in Lapine (not sure if you’ve read Watership Down, but if you have, you’ll get the Lapine reference).
Humans are wackos. We really are. 🙂
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LMAO “reel wheel drive” haha. You have a natural talent for writing Fleck, I look forward to your articles every week.
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Aww, thanks so much! 🙂
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Wino-reps = BRILLIANT
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Thank you, Jill! 🙂
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Fleck, your post continue to AMAZE me. You are so extremely creative.
Any consolation, I am also intimidated lifting weights at the gym. Now I go very early in the morning where there are a few old fellows like myself, and have gone on a few weight machines.
Love your ice cream IV. 😀
~Carl~
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Aww, thank you, Carl! Your comments are always so encouraging. I’ve yet to find a strength training program that I like. Maybe one day, but not today. I’m convinced I wasn’t designed to lift anything heavier than bunnies. 🙂
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Really, really enjoyed this. Made me feel right at home with the bunnies. Very cute. http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/
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Thank you, lilypup! 🙂
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