Fleck don’t flex

There comes a point in every runner’s life when they look in the mirror and realize “oh dear, what have I done to my body?”

For some, it’s the upcoming spring and ensuing panic of showing the world their feet. For others, it’s the pain of runner’s knee. For still others, it’s the sadness that comes with knowing they’ll be forevermore taping the leg they injured in that race.

But, believe it or not, none of those things gave me my “oh dear, what I have I done to my body?” moment.

Not too long ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that, while my lower half was a brick house, my upper half was a bouncy castle.

I decided some weight training was in order.

I was too embarrassed to start my weight training at the gym, so I ran to the computer and found an “at home upper-body training program”.

Fabulous.

I ran downstairs and dusted off my Pilates mat.

Excellent.

I pulled out my (partially deflated) balance ball and foam roller from the closet, and knelt down to find my hand weights.

No hand weights.

I needed 5 pound hand weights in order to complete the set in the workout. At a loss, I turned and looked around. Dean and Maggie were sleeping in the afternoon sun by the patio door.

The bunnies looked over at me and, sensing what I was thinking, promptly scooted under the couch.

Bunnies clearly out of scope, I was getting desperate.

It was then that I looked over at our dining room hutch.

Jackpot.

Two identical bottles of wine, both unopened, stared back at me.

The workout was only 30 minutes, but after 20 minutes and three sets, I was in serious trouble.

By this time, I was panting, my arms were shaking, and I’d lost all sense of shame. I just wanted to finish the stupid workout, and never do it again.

I started into my fourth set of wino-reps, with my back to the patio door. But just was I was finishing up with some tricep curls, I remembered the blinds were still up.

Panicked, I turned to face the door.

Thankfully, our backyard neighbors weren’t home (phew!).

Instead, there was a squirrel on our patio, standing on its hind legs, staring at me.

I looked back at him, his judgmental gaze piercing my flabby soul.

Utterly defeated (and deflated), I put the wine bottles back on the hutch, rolled up the mat, and ran away to hide in the basement.

Later that night, I looked at myself in the mirror again. My upper half was still as soft as it had been that afternoon.

Hmph.

But, then I started to think about the squirrel.

And then I started to think about my bunnies.

And then I started to think of hares, and kangaroos, and bears, and cheetahs, and….

LIONS.

They’re all rear-wheel drive.

I blinked, absorbing my epiphany.

Being rear-wheel drive is just fine with me.

Besides, who doesn’t love bouncy castles?

 

 

 

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