Not so long ago, training season began.
As many of you know, marathon training is fantastic horrible. Suddenly, your hobby becomes an obligation. You start rationing your food and drink in terms of “how many miles do I have tomorrow?” and any social life you had is reduced to “I can see you between naps on Sunday. And you have to come to me, because I’m not leaving the house for anything.”
Just about the only thing I like about marathon training is that it’s one of the rare times in life when you’re actually encouraged to increase your caloric intake by 500 calories a day. Now, they say this extra 500 calories should be in the form of “good gains”, but that’s just not my style.
Like many places of employment, we have vending machines at my office. Most treats and drinks are only $0.50. Pig Lion that I am, I try really hard to avoid the junk food while I’m at work because, let’s be honest, daytime is the only time I eat a healthy-ish diet. Often, while my co-workers chow down on their afternoon snacks I sit furiously chewing gum in my cubicle, because I know that once I’m home my face will find itself buried in a bowl of ice cream.
This year, I decided that my caloric increase would be had in the form of afternoon snacks from the vending machine at work.
“Is it that time?” I asked my cubicle-neighbor on a Friday afternoon, week 1 of training nearly complete.
“Yep, let’s go,” he replied. We locked our desktops and headed happily to the vending machines.
My mouth watered and my eyes lit up when I saw the third row from the top.
Peanut Butter Cups, Reese’s Pieces, Kit-Kat, Big Turk (gross), and the moneymaker – SMARTIES!
I gleefully inserted my 2 quarters and watched, in rapt attention, as my box of Smarties uncoiled itself from the metal snakey-arm-thing. I held my breath as the metal snakey-arm thing hesitated, and then released the Smarties box from its grip.
My eyes followed the graceful arc of the Smarties box as it fell 3 rows and landed…
… and landed…
… and landed…
no.
Not landed.
My box of colorful chocolatey candy-coated delight wedged itself on the bottom row of the vending machine, between the label for the dried fruit snacks (that no one ever eats) and the bottom of their metal snakey-arm thing.
I looked at my colleague.
He looked at me.
Flabbergasted, neither of us spoke for at least 10 seconds before I, professional that I am, burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Ever the gentleman, my colleague tried shaking the vending machine.
The Smarties box wedged itself deeper in the slot yet, somehow, it also protruded outward, nearly touching the glass, at a most impossible angle. The whole thing was utterly ridiculous.
It was at this point that I lost my legs and fell into an obnoxious puddle of laughing-tears on the floor.
“I don’t think anyone’s having Smarties today,” he shrugged, and then did what anyone in his position would do – he took pictures.
“It’s okay,” I said, “clearly, the universe is telling me not to eat the Smarties.”
Empty handed, I went back to my desk, popped a piece of gum and, chomping furiously away, tried to mathematically calculate how such a fail was even physically possible. I arrived, again, at the conclusion that it was the universe telling me to take those extra 500 calories a day and make them healthy ones.
But that’s just not how Fleck rolls.
So I did what anyone in my position would do.
After work, I bought a tub of Smarties ice cream.
Take that, universe.
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I had a feeling this was going to end with ice cream. 😀 Glad you got your revenge on the universe.
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lol – Oh no, I’m becoming predictable! Oh well, you can’t go wrong with ice cream. 🙂 Thanks for reading, Albert!
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Fantastic! I’m a chocoholic but I totally get it; gorging myself on fatty, sugary treats with impunity is one of the best parts about hard climbing! Sure, you could eat a granola bar or some buckwheat pancakes sans butter and syrup…or you could snarf down chalwa and ice cream!
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I’m SO glad to have someone else on my side! I’m a personal fan of the use of ice cream as a recovery food. I’m telling you – there’s protein, carbs, everything you need in a big bowl of it! Great to see you back in the blogosphere! Your pictures were really cool in your last post! 🙂
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Vending machines can be the cruelest of devices at times. I’m glad you evened the scored with a bowl of ice cream! I’m pretty sure I would have unleashed on that machine, though. Never get in the way of my afternoon snack! 🙂
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If I was strong enough to succeed in such an attempt, I might have tried it myself. But I certainly wasn’t in any shape to fight any type of heavy immovable object after my epic laughing fit. It was just too ridiculous!
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Clearly, it’s evil and possibly predatory. That’s why it didn’t give up the candy. Seriously, evil vending machines have killed people before. (OK–it doesn’t happen very often, statistically only twice a year, but still …)
Evidently, predatory vending machines capture desperate junk food seekers, attracted by the lure of sweet and salty, by inducing so much frustration in their hypoglycemic victims, that said victims shake the machine so hard that it topples over on them. (Can we say Reese’s pieces meet hammer? Or is the angler fish a better analogy?)
Anyway, maybe it was all a freakish incident or maybe that machine is one of the evil, predatory ones. I’d keep my eye on it, if I were you–just in case.
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LOL! I think you’re right – the machine was out to get me. I can assure you I haven’t been lured in by its siren call since!
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The struggle is real! I’m training for something myself that doesn’t allow me eat any delicious junk food, either Where does one find Smarties ice cream, though? I might need something to celebrate with haha
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Indeed! Training season, whatever the purpose, is rough! Not sure where you’re located, but you should be able to get some at Walmart or any large grocery chain. If not, you can make your own by combining the smarties with any type of chocolatey/vanilla flavor combo you like! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by !
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Ohhhh, ok! I’ll have to stop by a Wal-mart and go looking for some. I didn’t know there was such a thing!
I only wish sugar was okay during training seasons 😦
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Technically, I shouldn’t be indulging myself. But my self control has it’s limits. If I run 20 miles, I get my ice cream. haha
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That still sounds like a wonderful reward for yourself! All I get are avocado brownies
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I hate when that happens. Where are the people to give you your money back? I don’t run, but good for you. Keep it up.
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I know! The worst part of all was, the vending machine didn’t get restocked til about the following Wednesday. So I was reminded of my loss several times before they finally removed the box from its perch! 😦
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😞
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Haha. Thanks for the laugh today. I TOTALLY could see the same thing happening to me. Smarties! Yum!
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lol! It was heartbreaking. It really was.
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It’s been quite a while since I trained for a (half) marathon. That was a good four years ago. I had the same struggles, kept calorie count, and fretted over sugar but ended up indulging.
And I never ran again.
Well, I did. But not like you are. You’re tempting me to return to former hobbies, and it’s not a bad thing at all.
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Yeah training is hard, for sure. If you don’t give yourself some kind of reward for each completed session, it’s hard to keep at it. Thank you for the follow! I hope you get back out there! 🙂
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I found your blog on Harsh Reality. Love your drawings. Good luck with the training! Drop by mine sometime: http://ellesuperstar.wordpress.com
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Thank you for the follow, and for the read! I’ve returned the favor. 🙂
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Awww Fleck, how difficult that would have been to see that box of Smarties each day to add insult to injury.
I know you work very hard in your training. Those rewards are what motivates us to keep going.
Thank you for another wonderful post! 🙂
~Carl~
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I’m not going to lie, it was painful – lol! If it wasn’t for the promise of good food and drink at the end of a long run, I’m not sure I’d be a runner. 🙂
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This is the very first post of your blog I’ve ever read, and in it I learned that there is such a thing as Smarties Ice Cream. I’m pretty sure the universe is speaking to me, too…
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Oh, it’s delightful! You must give it a try! 🙂 Thank you for the read and follow!
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Ice cream is in the major food groups. What were you thinking? http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/
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I think you’re right! It IS a major food group (at least in my book). 🙂 Thank you for the read!
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The dried fruit snacks are probably soaked in sugar, then deep fried. Otherwise they’d be called dried fruit, not dried fruit snacks.
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hahaha! You’re so right! I don’t think anyone ever eats them.
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