The pain is real: 8 things to expect from your first spin class

The pain is real.

My other fitness love is cycling. But, like running, the journey would not be an easy one.

Fitness classes were included in our gym memberships, so my husband suggested we give a spin class a try. I knew how to ride a bike, so I shrugged and mumbled an affirmative “hmph” between bites of nachos.

We arrived to class a few minutes early. My husband was helping me with my bike set up when I first laid eyes on McSvelty, the instructor.

I could try to describe him in words but, instead, I’ll just show you:

He actually looked like this

I knew I was in trouble.

And so, I give you, the 8 things to expect from your first spin class.

1) Your instructor will be really, really, ridiculously good looking.

Do not be distracted by the pretty. The beautiful, spandexed-out being at the front of the class is on a mission to end your life.

2) You will sweat so much that simply wearing clothing will annoy you.

Resist all urges to be buck-naked.

3) Yes, that smell is you.

Accept it.

4) There will be at least 3 psychos who are actually enjoying themselves. 

These people “woop” and “woo” and “hoo” with every increase of the resistance dial. Hate them.

5) Your heart will explode.

It won’t, actually. But it will feel like it.

6) You’ll call for help, but no one will hear you.

The music is loud, so your newbie whimpers can’t be heard.

7) You might cry when the cool-down track starts. 

It’s okay. Just let it out, man. Tears are only eye sweat.

8) You’ll be unable to sit comfortably for a week. 

It’s called Saddle Seat. And that pain is real.

Just let it out, man.

When it was over, I stumbled off the bike and, unable to stand on my own, leaned against it gasping for air. My surroundings retreated to a vague mist while I struggled to catch my breath. I was sure it had escaped me for good.

I was so focused on my desperate fight for survival, I didn’t hear McSvelty.

“Let’s give her a round of applause, team!”

Wait. What? Applause? I looked up to see the whole class looking at me, applauding me, smiles on their faces. I knew I’d be back the following week.

As I limped out of class on rubber legs, I saw Gazella DeVil, frantically beating her treadmill at rapid-fire pace.

Short leg and all, one day, I would catch up to her.

But first, I needed an ice pack and a donut.

 

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